I have been neglecting this blog! But never fear, there’s a new blog in town and it’s bigger and better than ever. Check it out!
I didn’t realize this blog had gained such a following after I’d started a new one!
http://www.mydogisagangster.blogspot.com
Please follow my new blog, it would love to have you as a friend.
XO
Alie
The holiday season almost makes it impossible to stick to a diet. I lost my will power to sweets more times that I can count in the last month.
Time to get back on track and lose some of this thunderous ass. I am beyond unhappy with myself and although I am sticking to my diet when it comes to healthy meals, I’ve done way too much snacking.
I decided to ride by bike back to work from lunch yesterday instead of drive. It’s only about a mile and a half, but it’s the little things that make difference and you have to start somewhere. I feel so lucky to be able to ride my bike right now and I have to take advantage of it, knowing that I might not feel so great next week. But I’m going to stay positive and hope that this STAYS away fro a while at least. I haven’t been able to feel the growths for about a week now and I don’t mind them being there as long as they don’t cause me intense pain every 15 minutes.
I’m going to plan on riding my bike back from work again today and tomorrow as long as the weather permits.
Tonight is my second acupuncture appointment and with Whitney at Oakland Acupuncture Project and I am excited. I don’t think many people have this level of excitement about being punctured with needles… but considering how much relief I got in just a week, I am beyond happy to go back.
It’s been a little less than a week since my first acupuncture appointment and I must say… I am a believer. I had a very positive and welcoming first experience with acupuncture and will be going back at least once a week. I was given Chinese herbs called Gui Zhi Fu Ling Wan, which help endometriosis, abdominal masses and menstrual irregularities. So far, so good. I still have minor pain but it has gone down considerably compared to what it was at. This is a HUGE step for me and I finally see a glimmer of hope. I can’t describe how wonderful it feels to know that this might be the answer I’ve been looking for.
I also spoke with my acupuncturist about some of my other concerns such as anxiety, sleep problems and the plantar fasciitis in my foot. All of the issues I discussed have been reduced dramatically. My foot has already started to heal. I went on a little walk the other night, to try to get my blood moving and get my heart rate up a little bit. Unfortunately I couldn’t keep a very fast pace since I’m *still* limping… but it was a start. I had been in the boot every day ’til I started acupuncture and for the first time I am actually able to see a difference and WALK!
I am diving into a new yoga routine, being more diligent with my diet and continuing acupuncture as treatment, per my doctor’s orders. I am pleasantly surprised that my Kaiser doctor is so supportive of alternative medicines and is actually the one that suggested them in the first place. I hope I have a wonderful report for her come February when we meet again. I feel like it’s my last option before Lupron, so I am putting all my energy into making it count.
My next task is to remain calm and focused through the next semester and I almost wonder if that won’t be the most difficult of the last few years. I am tackling a full-time school schedule while working 40+ hours a week. I am already overwhelmed about this. I am finally working on my major, Psychology.
Christmas was amazing. I feel very lucky to have three families to spend Christmas with. I got to spend quality time with the Alliger’s, my Mom and the Righetti’s. Sadly, it was my first Christmas without my father, ever. He was in Arizona with my Step-Mother and Grandparents.
So there’s the last week in a nut shell. I am looking forward to focusing on getting better and finishing this chapter of school.
I have to remember, above all else, to breathe!
I am happy to report that my foot’s condition has significantly improved since just yesterday. So what did I do? I went grocery shopping tonight (even though I should continue to rest it). I tried to get only healthy food and did my best to make sure everything I got was nutritional. The groceries I purchased tonight:
I will also be integrating a lot of brown rice and fish into my diet.
This is my attempt to make my diet a little more whole and pure this month and to avoid foods that are over processed with preservatives and lots of bad fat. I am going to be resting a lot more and absolutely need to keep my diet in check since I am not going to be very active. The frozen fruit and tub of yogurt are for smoothies, as well as half the bananas, which I froze. I have no problem having smoothies for lunch and I feel great after I have them. I make sure to take my multi-vitamin daily. I would like to avoid white flours (which are low in fiber and just plain bad) and focus on eating high complex carbs. I am pretty uneducated on nutrition but I can learn how to eat healthy and have a low-fat diet while not feeling like I’m chewing on cardboard.
I’m trying so hard. It’s obviously a little difficult this time a year, but I think I can do it. I want nothing more than to lose a few more pounds and feel good about my body. This will have to do ’till I’m able to exercise more and keep fit.
I took this picture in Point Reyes, I’m thinking about having it framed and matted with a black border to hang in the kitchen. It reminds me of how many good, healthy choices are out and that I have options. With all that said, I wonder why people have such a difficult time sticking-to-healthy? I watched one of my closest friends completely transform her body by becoming vegan (after years of not giving a shit) and taking care of and sculpting her body with yoga. I know it’s not necessary to be vegan to be healthy, but watching her transformation was motivational and I know I can do it. It’s definitely been a continual struggle for me but I have to remember how very far I’ve come from the person I used to be and the life I used to live. I can do this.
That says it all, doesn’t it?
Hopefully one of these days I’ll finally get some relief. The last week has been especially painful and filled with anxiety. It’s scary when I get flare ups, I never know if it’s going to get worse or better and I have to just hope that it goes away and doesn’t result in a hospital visit. My number of hospital visits have dramatically dropped, but the size of my cysts and endometriomas has increased, requiring more surgeries than ever before.
But now, not only are my ovaries in trouble, so is my ability to walk. I am a full-on-gimp who is not supposed to walk for two weeks due to Plantar fasciitis. It even sounds shitty. Jory’s off at the store getting me crutches, which BTW cost fucking $49.82. I call that wallet rape. I already had to shovel out $30 for the doctor appointment and missed an hour of work. Stupid foot.
This is what’s going on folks, horrible pain:
The Richard Avedon exhibit at the SFMOMA was pretty cool. I was expecting to see maybe 10 photographs and there were probably close to 100. I had a great day with Amoreena and Dides, I love being around people I can be myself with. I was horribly sore after just a few hours of walking. I think it was the stairs at the SFMOMA. It was only 4 flights but I started feeling weak almost immediately after we got to the 4th floor. It was kind of a buzz kill but I still had a great day. This is what I got Amoreena, the Twin Peaks box set of both seasons (wrapped as Laura Palmer by yours truly):
I got some ok photos, I had hoped for better. I really like this one. I didn’t completely remove the saturation (as you can tell by his slightly pink ear):
Amoreena took this photo of me and although I think it’s pretty unattractive, I think she captured me perfect:
They’re setting up an entire floor, I am so curious to see what it’s going to be!! I think I might get a SFMOMA membership…
I’m finishing up another semester in school. After my mid-term and with all my tests, I have an A in my Biological/Physical Anthropology class this semester and it’s been the hardest class I’ve had to date. I will settle for nothing less than my best, especially since I am struggling my ass off to put myself through college. There is no excuse in my book.
I was going through the website/online classroom that my last two semesters have been on and I found my final essay from my Philosophy class last semester. Our assignment was to write an essay on our world view and to describe factors that have influenced why we see the world the way we do and basically, why we are who we are. I thought I’d post it. It’s quite personal but there’s a lot that I’ve already shared on this blog that I wouldn’t normally share with strangers. I think this essay speaks volumes about the person I am now and the journey I took to get here. I sometimes feel as if I’ve lived many lives, that I have been through and overcome things not many people at my age have experienced. Here it is, remember it’s in essay format and not written the way it would be if I were just blogging:
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In my short 26 years on this earth, I have had many experiences and lived many situations that have influenced my opinions and the way I view the world. Throughout the time I’ve been alive I have lived experiences that have made me become a very tolerant, liberal, compassionate, peaceful, loving person and sympathetic to other’s feelings. I tend to see the positive things over the negatives and try to find something to be happy about every day, even though occasionally I am untrusting of the public.
I believe growing up and living in the San Francisco Bay Area has made huge impact on the way I vote and my political stances. I feel very fortunate to have been raised in such a diverse region of the world. There a large gay population in the Bay Area. When I was growing up I had quite a few friends with same-sex parents and because it was introduced to me in my childhood, it has always been normal and never an issue. These friends were loved, nurtured and taken care of just as well as my other friends. Because I now, as an adult have many friends in same-sex relationships, I try to help teach tolerance and help people see these relationships as they see every other, for what they are; two people loving each other. I have grown up with tolerance of all people, all races, sexualities and genders. Women’s rights have been specifically important to me, as I had to make the decision as a teenager to terminate a pregnancy. At the time, I was in absolutely no condition (mentally or physically) to be a parent. Because I lived this experience, I feel I am stronger and I know what a tough decision it is for a woman to make. That decision should be between a woman and her doctor. Although I am equally for adoption, it should be the right of the mother to ultimately make this difficult decision. A few years ago I took a job at a medical marijuana clinic. Before taking this job I saw medical marijuana as a legal way for people to just get high. My ignorance on the subject was quickly changed as I encountered many terminally ill patients who used this medicine to hold an appetite from chemotherapy or fight pain. Seeing patients every single day for months and then having them stop coming in because they’ve passed away is heartbreaking. It has really made me appreciate life and be thankful for all I have. It has made me more compassionate and I try not to take things for granted. I believe my liberal views are products of where I grew up as well. My voting choices on women’s rights, gay marriage, medical marijuana and other controversial subjects is influenced by the experiences I’ve had.
Although I consider myself a positive person and I try to look at the good side of things, I find that I am easily intimidated by others. I walk away from people if they are fighting in public, and I walk away fast! I become scared and paranoid when I’m in busy neighborhoods, always looking over my shoulder to make sure the store or restaurant I’m in isn’t going to get robbed or that I’m not going to get mugged walking down the street.. I am absolutely non-confrontational and hate any situation where people argue or intimidate others. I relate this to an experience I had at an old job. Early one morning five masked gunmen entered my work and held up the business. They made us all get on the ground and had our faces in the mats we were laying on. After it happened, I had to relive the situation by giving the police my statements, and going back to the same job every day. It was the scariest moment of my life and I had a hard time even walking to work for months after, in broad daylight. . Since then, I am easily intimidated by people I don’t know and not very trusting of sketchy neighborhoods. I can’t watch violent movies because they bring severe anxiety. Even in the town I grew up in, where I have always been safe, seems terrifying to me sometimes. One positive thing that this experience brought me was a sense of peace, even with all my paranoia. I am very big on practicing non-violence and working through arguments and conflicts peacefully.
I love nature. I can’t get enough of it. It doesn’t matter if it’s a beach, forest, lake, river or mountain top. There are many different regions in California; all of them are within driving distance of where I grew up. It seems like my family was gone every weekend for a while. We were always camping, sometimes on a beach, but most of the time in the Redwoods. We spent at least 4 weekends a summer camping and fishing, swimming gin rivers and lakes. The time I spent in the wilderness has given me a strong love for the outdoors and preserving our environment. I feel like fresh air can always calm me down. I have recently started taking a Yoga class outdoors twice a week and I can’t even describe how amazing it is. It feels invigorating and makes my body feel like it’s radiating energy.
I spend my free time doing crafts, schoolwork, exercising and resting the rest of the time. Until two years ago, I had quite the party life. My ex husband was in a band and our life together was a big party. I smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes a day and was usually hung-over at work. About 2 years ago, I left my husband and that lifestyle to make my self healthier, as I suffer from severe endometriosis and was being hospitalized once a week. Since then I have stopped smoking, cold turkey 9 months ago. I stopped drinking alcohol and started exercising daily. I exercised and did many crafts to occupy my thoughts for the first 3 months after I quit. I have since then been on a new path of self improvement, exercising at least three times a week and doing yoga (If I’m physically able), eating only hormone free and organic food, cutting out fast food and artificially flavored food and just being conscious of making myself healthier in any way possible. My life is 100% different than it was two years ago and I am happy and proud of my accomplishments. Instead of going out drinking on a Friday night I usually spend time watching a movie with my dog and boyfriend or I paint. Sometimes I do embroidery and needle work.
I carry my camera everywhere I go. I have fallen in love with photography. I recently purchased a professional camera and have since shot two weddings. I love taking pictures around the Bay Area. I feel like photography captures a piece of time we can’t ever get back. I love photographing people with happy expressions and especially children. They are so much fun and full of energy. I feel like you can see this through a photograph. Photographing people’s celebrations and events like weddings and parties is such a blast for me. I feel like giving them photos of a good memory is the best gift you can give someone. It will be something they go back to for the rest of their life and look upon to evoke those happy feelings again.
I love children and want to be a mother. As I mentioned before, I suffer from severe endometriosis. I have had 3 surgeries on my abdomen in the last two years. Although my “flare ups” or “ruptures” happen far less frequently since I have changed my lifestyle, they are still there and continue to affect my days. Sometimes I can’t walk for hours. A few times in the last week I have woken up from a deep sleep to stabbing pain that comes with no warning. There is a chance I will never have children. There has not been a cure found for endometriosis. There are treatments but they are not effective for everyone. I have had many treatments yet I my symptoms are sever and rare for my age. Having this disease has been challenging for me. I feel like it impacted the ending of my marriage, yet it has somehow made me stronger. It has taught me not to sweat the petty stuff. I try to stay positive through many situations, and when things get tough I find reasons to get through it. I have a high pain tolerance! I also try to help other women who are battling this disease and slowly becoming infertile, but speaking with them over online support forums and help them find resources that they can benefit from.
For a few years I was the primary caregiver for an Autistic child named Sam and it also made a huge impact on my life and the way I view the world. It changed my priorities and what I stressed over. Helping someone with a disability and seeing their daily challenges make you humble. It makes you not stress off the little things. Suddenly the hair appointment, the new shoes, the fabulous dinner in San Francisco seemed less important to me. My life became protecting this little boy who desperately needed help to get through the day. I came to appreciate the parents with developmentally disabled children, I believe they have one of the hardest jobs possible. For the first time in my life, seeing a child succeed became more important to me that a new pair of shoes or my BMW.
My family is all Catholic. I am the only person in my family that is not a practicing Catholic and doesn’t have any specific beliefs in God. I consider myself agnostic. I went to church with my family as a child many, many times but never felt like I belonged and I never identified with the church. I have had continuing conflicts and debates with my family over the church and its ideals and morals. Because I am pro-choice, for gay marriage and vote liberal, we do not exactly agree when it comes to these issues. We have learned to just not discuss them. Ironically, I am a huge fan of religious art, especially that of Madonna and Child. There are some religions that I find beautiful and would love to one day more know about and the whole subject of religion in extremely intriguing to me, even Catholicism and Christianity. I considered majoring in Theology because I am very interested in learning about these religions, even if I am not interested in practicing them.
I have a very fun group of friends. I try to surround myself with mature people that I share common interests with, such as music and art. We go to concerts and galleries, shop for crafts together, go on photography walks together. I feel like the people you hang out with say a lot about your character. I try to avoid getting sucked into the “crowd mentality” as was discussed in on of our lectures. I feel it’s easy to be influenced or swayed into doing things that we don’t want to do or wouldn’t do on our own. I feel it’s important to be true to yourself by surrounding yourself with people that you can be yourself with. When I hung around my ex-husband’s friends and surrounded myself with people that didn’t care about anything but partying, I became uninterested in being healthy and productive. All I wanted to do was drink, party, stay up ‘til 4:00 AM and continue the same routine the next night. I ended up getting a DUI and dealing with all the consequences that come along with it. It was a big eye opener. Now, I have eliminated people from my life that bring me down. I have people in my life that also are big on self-improvement and are positive influences and role-models. I now think it’s important to keep myself in check when it comes to who I surround myself with.
My family is very important to me, but my family and home life was very tumultuous when I was growing up. My parents divorced when I was in second grade. I had an incredibly difficult time with their divorce, it seemed like one day he was there and the next he lived somewhere else. We saw him every weekend but it wasn’t the same. I was constantly in trouble at school for acting up or having bad behavior. This continued though out my teenage years with my constant rebellion. I don’t think I ever confronted the issues I had from childhood. When I was 15 I moved out of my Mom’s house, where I lived with my mom and my sister. The three of us never got along and it was a toxic. Part of the reason our household dynamic was strained was because of me. I was a rebellious teenager that didn’t want to be restricted and would rather hang out with friends and drink beer than attend class. My mom was never home because she was either working or out on some random date. Because I left home early I had to shape up fast. I suddenly had to support myself. I graduated high school two years early and started working full-time to pay my bills. I moved in with my friend’s family and paid them rent monthly. I became very close to them. I feel a connection to them different than I felt with my family, even after they moved away to Hawaii. When I see them I feel like I’m normal again. I have worked full-time since I was 15 and am now 26. I am going to school to get a degree that I can use towards a career, rather than a job. I feel like I’ve been working “jobs” forever. A big part of my drive to get my degree is my family, I have always wanted to prove to them that I could do it. In some ways I think I want to prove it to myself too.
In closing, I feel like I’ve divulged all my secrets but I’m okay with that. I am happy with the person I’m becoming and I feel like I have much more to do, see and much more growth ahead of me. The path of self-improvement I’ve found has changed my life. It’s amazing to me how different my outlook on life or worldview is from 10 years ago. I am a completely different and better person. I try as hard as I can to live an honest life and be happy. I try to make the people around me happy as well. I believe a simple compliment can change a person’s day from horrible to bright and we could all practice this on some level. I am trying to practice patience, which has always been very difficult for me. I believe we have the power to make life fun, productive, exciting and wonderful but it starts with making ourselves happy and that’s what the main goal in my life has been.
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So that was it. I’m taking another philosophy class next semester and am really excited to be able to look inside myself and make more self realizations.
“People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
I have some intriguing and wonderful friends with many different interests. One of my more interesting friends is Irene. She is a blast and always has the best ideas and interests. We seem to mesh quite well and I am always intrigued by her and the things she’s interested in.
Irene suggested we do a Zombie Crawl here in our wee little hometown, Alameda. We had seen similar crawls in San Jose, but we found out about them last-minute and they were not only 45 minutes away, but they were on week-nights. I don’t know if Alameda has ever seen such an event and part of me wonders if we Alameda can even handle it. The plan is to basically bar hop dressed as zombies. We are starting on the West End of Alameda. We will be taking the bus (for fun) across town (in full zombie garb) to Park Street where we will roam around groaning. I can’t WAIT to see the bus driver’s face and shoot photos of zombies on the 51 bus line.
I am STOKED.
I have had someone who runs the Zombie Prom in San Francisco contact me and tell me they are interested in participating and helping put the crawl together. I have two people working on flyers and we are already getting zombie drink specials at one of the stops.
I was giggling to myself when I saw the list of people who politely declined the event, I wondered how many of them clicked no right away, thinking “oh hell no”. I remember years ago hearing about clown parades in Portland and thinking “what the fuck are they thinking, are you kidding me?”.
And now? I can’t think of a more fun way to spend my birthday weekend (besides Disneyland, which ironically is the exact opposite of a zombie-filled birthday). So save the date. Saturday, February 13th, 2009. I will post the flyers as soon as they’re finished.
I think that when the doctor said to take it easy and not exercise, she probably meant no dancing.
I had a great time last night at the Rock Star party, but I could barely move today. I’m still sore. My abdomen feels HORRIBLE. And… I did karaoke, even though I said I never would. I’m still waiting for photos to surface.
On another note, Irene and I have announced the 2010 First Annual Alameda Zombie Crawl. It is February 13th, which happens to also be my birthday weekend. More info to follow!!
My weeks have been flying by lately. My Mondays fly by super fast, since I am catching up from the weekend and setting up the work week. Tuesdays are dreadful. My position at my company is Accounts Payable. I basically pay all the bills and cut all the company’s checks. When I’m not paying bills, I’m entering in hundreds of invoices a week for me to pay later. (We use a paleolithic accounting computer system that is 20 years old. My computer at work operates on Windows 98. Seriously.) Tuesday are especially painful. I’ve already rushed all day Monday to catch up and I am bored as hell come Tuesday. I’m the kind of person that always has to be busy at work. I’ll find something to do if my duties are done. I can’t stand twiddling my thumbs and I don’t like my boss to see me bored. I find that on these super-slow days I dream about Friday. I feel like the week will never start moving again and then BAM… here comes Wednesday and before I know it the week is over.
On weeknights I am so burnt out from the day I take it super easy and usually rest while doing school work. I don’t go out on weeknights and try to get to bed by 10, sometimes I’m asleep by 9. I try to go out on weekends, but after a 40 hour week I tend to be very sore and/or tired. On Saturdays I overdose on the lattes to keep me moving. I like to get out on Saturdays to walk around Piedmont or College and window shop. Sometimes, I like lying in bed all day, but that’s only if I’m in a lot of pain. I can function regularly while in a high degree of pain, I’m used to it and the pain seems to be put on the back burner. I can feel my abdomen freaking out just about every second of the day. I can feel it now. No cause for alarm, it’s just how it is. I kinda think of it like a tattoo. The first minute is rough and then it becomes just annoying. It’s tolerable so you just lay there, waiting for it to be done. Occasionally I have to stop what I’m doing completely and have a seat or take a rest.
This Saturday night is packed with plans. I have to go to a going away party for an hour, then meet the ladies for our bi-weekly Alameda Ladies Drinking Club. This group is super fun and the other members of the group are great. We only meet for about an hour for cocktails (I usually have a Diet Coke) and then are on our merry way. Later that night I will be attending a rock star themed party, which I am super excited for. I haven’t made my costume but will end up throwing one together last-minute, as always. I have a wig. I will post photos. unfortunately, I can’t exactly let loose, being a perma-gimp and all. Nnekay (who is one of my oldest, dearest friends since Kindergarden) is throwing the aforementioned rock star party and lives across the street (literally). I can have a beer or two and walk home Saturday night.
This weekend, when I’m not dressed as multi-talented rock star, I’ll be finishing up my research paper on “Reproductive Behaviors of Gorillas”. They’re not as interesting as I thought they’d be. They have boring sex lives and I’ve found my research to be bland. I should have chosen another non-human primate, but oh well. Time to crank out 1,000 more words and be done with it.
I was thinking about all the nicknames Jory and I have given Bucko and I was cracking up this morning while emailing them to my sister Megan (aka Beast, Mega Beast and Pegan). Here are a few as I bid you adieu: Buckins. Buck Nasty. Buck skin. Buster. Buddy. Buckorama. Chappy. Buckoloatapus. Muffin. Buckmaster Flash. Bucko Baggins. Buck Rogers.
Current constant listen: Band of Horses, Everything All the Time
This album is amazing. Dig it.
Alie's Blog 
